Phone Therapy *smirks*

So, I just got off the phone with Vera, my therapist.  It’s odd being in therapy over the phone.  Or maybe it’s odd being in therapy still.  I’ve been in and out of it for so much of my life I’m not sure I can imagine my life without being in it.  Perhaps it’s something that is healthy and something I need to keep doing but I wonder why.  What is the purpose for it?  I think I have a fairly good grasp on who I am, what I do and don’t believe.  True, I’m wishy washy in plenty of ways but there is still me at the core.  For the most part I think I know myself.

Perhaps it’s because of my schooling that I feel I know myself better.  Having to reflect upon one’s life for various reasons is something that forces you to come to reality or terms with certain things.  It’s like looking in the mirror for the first time and really, truly seeing yourself.  For exactly what you are.  What’s frightening is the fact that I can look at myself in the mirror and do know who I am…what I am..and it doesn’t terrify me.  Perhaps that alone shows I need therapy.  *laughs*  Knowing my demons, what I’m capable of and yet still being able to look at myself and not run away screaming in terror has to be a feat for anyone.  At least anyone with my mentality.  

I find it funny though, thinking about being in therapy.  I mean, now and days it seems like everyone is in some kind of therapy.  We all need an outlet for release of stress or thoughts or whatever.  An outlet that isn’t going to judge us and whose sole purpose is to be there to help guide us healthily.  Perhaps even when I’m a therapist myself I’m still going to need therapy *laughs*  What’s that saying?  The most twisted people in the world are therapists because they go into therapy hoping to get a better understand on themselves.  If that’s the case I should be one kick ass therapist once I’m done with all this.  *laughs*  Heaven knows, regardless of how much sole searching I do or studying and learning or therapy I’m always going to be this twisted person without a clue on why I am the way I am typically.  I mean I might have ideas but I’ll always be searching for answers for my own behaviors.  *smirks*  

Ah well, therapy….*makes a face*  Don’t wanna do it but I guess it’s one of those necessary evils for me that I have to do.  Besides, it’s healthy….right?